Coaching Education content presented in partnership with The FA Learning

IT'S WHAT YOU SAY AND HOW YOU SAY IT

The “Word on Your Street”
The words you use in your language while involved in youth soccer will significantly impact your player’s motivational style towards soccer.  Having the word “effort” as the cornerstone of your “soccer language” will go a long way to develop a person who has an assured and healthy approach towards life and soccer.  Be careful of using the word “should,” for example, “They should have won” and “You should have scored.”  Words like “should” and “ought” are verbs of obligation.  Players may feel obliged to do things when your sentences are preceded by “should.”

Consistent Feedback
After asking the more performance-oriented question of, “How did you play?” be careful that you receive a performance-oriented answer rather than the often-heard response of, “Oh, we lost 3-2” or, “We won 5-1.”  You then have to be careful not to be satisfied with the, “We won 5-1” response more than the, “Oh, we lost 3-2” version.  To allow the player to fully understand that performance is key and that, “the match isn’t over until the lesson has been learned,” the same amount of feedback needs to be elicited whether the player (the team) has won or lost, played well or poorly.

Decrease the “But”; Increase the “And”
Try to decrease your use of the word “but” and increase your use of the word “and.”  For example, “You played well, Fiona, but if you can get in more crosses earlier that would help” should be replaced with, “You played well Fiona and if you can get in more crosses earlier that would help.”  It’s often said by using the word “but” that the words before it have then been reduced in importance.  In the example given, the “but” detracts from the positive part of the feedback.  The “played well” is not heard.  The neutral statement of “if you can get in more crosses earlier that would help” is seen as negative and slightly critical.  Using the word “and” maintains the positive feelings of competence from the first part of the feedback, while giving more self-confidence to the player by providing them with hope and the perception that they can get even better.

Pre- and Post-Match Talks
Before playing a match, what would a player like to feel or how would they like to be?  Feelings such as confident, positive and challenged are often associated with effective and enjoyable performances in sport.  A pre-match talk in which emphasis is placed upon what the player can control is significant in increasing confidence.  A player does not necessarily have to have confidence in their ability to win the match.  However, they do need confidence in their ability to achieve something with their control.  Before performing, players need to direct their thinking to “the how” of what they need to do rather than to the outcome in order to control their anxiety or nervous tension, to enhance their self-confidence and to ensure that they have the appropriate level of arousal or “emotional temperature.”  It is helpful, therefore, if through pre-match talks, parents can provide PACE to their child before they face the opposition:

PACE Before You Face
- Process.
- Anxiety.
- Confidence.
- Emotional temperature.

What could parents and coaches say to a player before they go on the field to provide some PACE?  Comments like, “Work hard to achieve your goals and have fun,” “If you can give 100 percent, you can never lose” and “Be confident that you can finish the match a better player” are suggested.

Another way to help the player go into the match feeling the right way mentally and emotionally and with a competitive, yet “personal-best,” attitude is to ask the player a question to elicit feelings of this “emotional mix.”  Encourage them to talk and so verbally persuade themselves about how confident, positive and challenged they are.  Use questions such as:

If you really want to win, the most effective way to do this is not to focus on winning!  Winning and very good performances need to be broken down into “winning behaviors.”  These are the building blocks of winning and these, whatever they may be for the player and team, should be emphasized and evaluated.

Performance reviews need to be consistent no matter the performance or outcome.  If your child doesn’t try hard or play well, it is important to depersonalize your feedback, so that it is based on skills and behavior rather than on personality.  For example, “I don’t like it when you give up” should be used rather than, “I don’t like you when you give up.”  Feedback should be provided about deficiencies in performance, not deficiencies in the person.  You will know when you have got it right in post-match discussions when you are doing more listening than talking.  By listening carefully and gently directing the conversation, you will encourage your child to reflect more on what has happened.  If the player appears to be working harder than the parent (or coach) and often realizing things about their performance for the first time, you are on track to developing a self-determining person.

Explaining Success and Failure

How people explain success and failure can have a significant bearing on their self-confidence and their feelings of what they can and cannot control within soccer.  It is mentally healthy if you can take responsibility for your actions, rather than making excuses for yourself.  When a player or team is successful, it is helpful to explain this success with reference to the players’ or team’s ability rather than luck or the opponent’s poor play.  After experiencing a failure, it can be healthy to explain failure through lack of effort or inappropriate tactics, both of which are controllable and can be changed.  If the reason for the failure is given as lack of ability, it must be stressed that this is current lack of ability.  The players’ perception of their ability is something that can be controlled and thus improved by themselves.  The main objectives after success or failure are to:

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, then success is in the eye of the soccer player.  When the words and questions a parent uses put emphasis on the outcome and not performance, then, for example, a defender’s job of shutting down an opposing striker goes unnoticed.  Don’t critique a game by the score as you wouldn’t judge a book by its cover.