Sports Parenting content provided by Dan Saferstein from his book "Win or Lose: A Guide to Sports Parenting", published by The Trusted Guide Press. Visit DanSaferstein.com for more information.


TRUST THEIR ATHLETIC DESTINY

None of us sports parents can know what the future has in store for our young athletes. None of us can control our children’s athletic future, even though most of us will try. We’ll look for the best coaches, teams and camps to maximize their talent. We’ll do all that we can to give them the best shot at success, which is fine; but after we’ve done our thing as parents, we need to learn to let go and trust that their sports lives will unfold the way they were meant to unfold.

If we don’t let go, we’ll surely drive ourselves and our kids crazy in the process. What does letting go mean? It could mean stepping back and letting your children do more to manage their own sports lives. Let them make more decisions about their training schedule. Let them pack their own bags before tournaments. These small shifts of responsibility might not seem so significant, but they give the message to your kids that you’re willing to let their sports become more their own.

As a sport parent, you’ll have an easier time letting go if you remind yourself that your child’s athletic future isn’t a matter of life survival. They will ultimately be okay even if they get cut from a team. With some kids, they’ll be okay to the extent that they think you’ll be okay. And you’ll be okay to the extent that you can see their athletic potential as just a small part of their potential as a human being.

FIND YOUR OWN GLORY

It can be easy to forget that our children aren’t ourselves. They don’t think exactly as we think. They don’t feel exactly as we feel. They don’t have the same goals that we do now, or even the same goals that we had when we were their age. What many parents view as stubbornness is simply a young athlete’s desire to be their own person, at their own pace, and on their own terms.

However, it isn’t unusual for parents to want to protect their children from the frustrations they might have experienced themselves as young athletes. They want their children to learn from their mistakes; in some cases, they might even want their children to make up for their mistakes. Needless to say, this isn’t something that children are capable of doing for their parents no matter how much they love them.

As sports parents, we owe it to our children to find our own glory, so that they can be free to find their own glory, or to do without glory if they so happen to choose. Not every child feels the need to be great at sports. Not every child feels the need to be better than other children. This isn’t necessarily a problem unless the child happens to have a parent with an unmet need for greatness. If you happen to be such a parent, don’t panic. I assure you that you’re not alone. For the time being, I would just encourage you to take responsibility for how you’re feeling and not slip this unmet need into our children’s backpacks. After all, you probably don’t want your kids to be members of the Club of People With An Unmet Need For Greatness when they’re adults.

Dan Saferstein, Ph.D. is a Licensed Psychologist, consulting with individuals, families, coaches and teams in his Ann Arbor-based practice. He is a contributing writer to Soccer Coaching International. You can contact him at dansaferstein@earthlink.net.