Sports Parenting content provided by Dan Saferstein from his book "Win or Lose: A Guide to Sports Parenting", published by The Trusted Guide Press. Visit DanSaferstein.com for more information.

SHOW MORE INTEREST IN THEIR SCHOOL LIFE

Lately, I’ve been making an effort to be a better school parent. I don’t want my kids to go around thinking that their interest in sports is more important than their schoolwork, just because sports are what seem to excite their father. My confession is that as a child I always liked sports more than school, and yet now, as an adult, I’ve come to appreciate the importance of learning steadily and quietly without a big scoreboard or screaming fans. I make a point of asking my kids about school every day, so we won’t fall into the rut of talking just about sports. I know there will probably come a day in the future when sports doesn’t have the same importance in their lives, and I want my relationship with them to be diverse and flexible enough to accommodate this change. I figure that way we won’t be stuck with awkward silences that can only be broken by reminiscing about a soccer tournament they played when they were twelve years old.

I’ve also rediscovered how enjoyable it is to read with our kids. My daughter is even starting to read some of my favorite books like Catcher in the Rye. It’s a thrill to be able to sit at the kitchen table and talk about Holden Caulfield, as big of a thrill as being able to watch her dive in the goalie box and make a game-winning save. There was a time when she used to talk about playing soccer for North Carolina like Mia Hamm, but now she talks about going to a good school like Michigan or Berkeley. She accepts that she probably won’t be good enough to play soccer in college. I’m relieved when I hear her explain to people that she now plays soccer just for fun.

MAKE PEACE WITH CHANGE

Our children’s athletic lives are constantly changing, and as their parents, we need to be agile and graceful enough to change with them. We can’t get too attached to the team decals on the back our vans, because there is no guarantee that next year our child will be playing on the same team, or even playing the same sport.

As parents, we might have certain plans for our children’s athletic lives, but we have to accept that the Sports Universe has its own plans and its own timetable. This means we need to be patient. We sometimes just need to wait and watch. We can’t force our children to follow our vision or even to follow a vision they once had. We have to accept that their visions will change. We have to let them grow up.

The biggest change that looms on the horizon for all sports parents is the day when our children’s competitive sports activities will come to an end. For most of us, this is hard to imagine, even heart-breaking to imagine, but I still think it’s important to pull back the lens from time to time and get a wider parental perspective. It helps counteract the addictive quality of the sports parenthood experience. It helps remind us that sports is only a small part of our relationship with our children, even during those seasons when it seems to take up so much of our time.

Dan Saferstein, Ph.D. is a Licensed Psychologist, consulting with individuals, families, coaches and teams in his Ann Arbor-based practice. He is a contributing writer to Soccer Coaching International. You can contact him at dansaferstein@earthlink.net.