Sports Parenting content provided by Dan Saferstein from his book "Strength in You: A Student-Athlete's Guide to Competition and Life", published by The Trusted Guide Press. Visit DanSaferstein.com for more information.





Editor's note: While this article doesn't expressly address obvious sports parenting issues, it could be of particular relevance to any soccer parent whose child is facing difficulties in school, in sports or in opening up to those around him.

ASK FOR HELP

It will be hard for you to reach your potential as a student-athlete if you feel you are alone against the world. You will have a much greater advantage if you feel that you are together with the world – a world of coaches, a world of teammates, a world of family, a world of friends.

What is keeping you from reaching out for the help you need? Your stubbornness? Your pride? There is nothing shameful about needing a teacher in your life. You have teachers who help you with math and literature. What is so wrong with having a teacher to help you with the challenges you face as a student-athlete?

Life is not a contest to see who can need the least from others. These contests don’t make you or your team any stronger. You just end up feeling more alone.

It can be a great relief to admit to someone you trust that you’re struggling. You can feel a weight being lifted from your shoulders, a being lifted off your athletic heart. Granted, it sometimes takes great courage to trust someone, especially if you’ve had to overcome experiences where your trust has been broken; and yet, you have to keep reminding yourself that you have the courage to let others in, that you have the courage to expand your team.

It is a myth that receiving help from others will weaken you. In fact, asking for help could even make you stronger, stronger in a soft way. You never want to let yourself get too hard as an athlete. You want to stay flexible and keep your spirit light. That will allow you to adjust most easily to all of the changes in your life.

Before you can ask for help, though, you must be honest enough with yourself to admit that you need it. This doesn’t mean that your life needs to be falling apart. You could just need a little help with your swing, help with your shot, help with a class paper that isn’t going so well.

Professional athletes get help all of the time. They get help from coaches, trainers, sports psychologists, physical therapists, chiropractors, yoga teachers. They have a whole team of helpers. Don’t you think you could let yourself have just one?

I understand that not everyone in this world is kind and generous, but you have to believe that there are kind and generous people out there. You can’t afford to think that we live in a world where everyone just cares about themselves.

I can remember a time when I felt this way and it made me feel hard inside. I didn’t think anyone noticed this hardness until one day my little sister, Rebecca, left me a note, decorated with flowers, that said, “Smile, soldier. The war is over.”

She left this note on my bed next to all my laundry that she had washed and folded. It meant so much to me that she had taken the time to do my laundry that I took her out for ice cream, even though she was overweight and my parents didn’t think she should be having dessert. She was ten at the time, and I was sixteen, having done my own laundry since I was about her age. As we drove to the ice cream parlor, I kept thinking how all the tension and arguments between my parents [over their divorce] were finally behind us, how “the war” really was over, and I would never have to come home to find a police car in our driveway again.

Dan Saferstein, Ph.D. is a Licensed Psychologist, consulting with individuals, families, coaches and teams in his Ann Arbor-based practice. He is a contributing writer to Soccer Coaching International. You can contact him at dansaferstein@earthlink.net.