Sports Parenting content provided by Dan Saferstein from his book "Win or Lose: A Guide to Sports Parenting", published by The Trusted Guide Press. Visit DanSaferstein.com for more information.

 

ON BEING A GOOD "SPORT PARENT"

by Dan Saferstein

Keep the Focus on Learning

Your child will feel under less pressure if she views every game as an opportunity to learn something about her sport (and herself as a player) rather than as a time to prove herself. Sports can be a wonderful classroom for young athletes, providing that the adults involved don’t place a greater importance on winning than learning. This isn’t to say that your child shouldn’t be competitive, but rather than your zeal for winning as a parent shouldn’t override hers as an athlete. Your job as a sports parent is to remind your child that the wins and losses will take of themselves as long as she continues loving her sport and is willing to devote herself to this love.

Young athletes fall out of love with their sport when the learning process is no longer fun for them. As a sports parent, you might not be able to control all aspects of your child’s athletic experience, but you can at least make sure that you’re not adding to their burden by putting pressure on them to succeed. You can try to make your sports relationship with your child a fun one, so that it feels that your family is winning no matter what ends up happening on the field.

Try Playing Their Sport

You might want to consider joining an adult soccer league to appreciate how difficult it is to trap and kick a soccer ball. The same is true of tennis, figure skating, basketball, hockey, dance, baseball, gymnastics, softball, golf or track. It can be a humbling experience to realize that the sports that look so easy from the sidelines can suddenly seem much more difficult on the field.

I came to appreciate my daughter’s experience as a soccer goalkeeper the one year I played this same position on a men’s soccer team. One valuable lesson I learned as a goalie is that the outcome of a game isn’t always within our control. Parents who’ve never played competitive sports have a hard time accepting this reality. They think that practice makes perfect. It doesn’t. Players who practice hard still make mistakes. They still need to learn to forgive themselves in order to keep their competitive fire alive.

Many parents have a hard time forgiving their children for not being better athletes than they were in their youth. The challenge of forgiveness is that you must first show it to yourself before you show it to others. In the context of sports, this means coming to peace with the athlete you once were, with the athlete you are, so that you can be in a better position to help your child accept their strengths and weaknesses.

Dan Saferstein, Ph.D. is a Licensed Psychologist, consulting with individuals, families, coaches and teams in his Ann Arbor-based practice. He is a contributing writer to Soccer Coaching International. You can contact him at dansaferstein@earthlink.net.