Sports Parenting content provided by Dan Saferstein from his book "Win or Lose: A Guide to Sports Parenting", published by The Trusted Guide Press. Visit DanSaferstein.com for more information.

STOP COMPARING

You will have a much better experience as a sports parent if you stop comparing your child to his fellow athletes. Youth sports doesn’t need to become a contest between parents to see whose child is the most gifted. These contests take up so much energy and don’t really prove much of anything. They don’t prove that you’re a better parent or that your child is a better person or that they’re destined to have a better life.

There is no evidence that elite athletes grow up to be happier than average athletes. However, there is anecdotal evidence that suggests that people who are constantly comparing end up feeling painfully alone. They feel alone when they feel better than others, as well as when they feel worse than others. You really can’t win at the comparison game.

When I find myself comparing my children in an insecure moment, I remind myself that in twenty years, it won’t really matter how good they were in sports. What’ll matter more is what they learned from their sports experience about how to live the rest of their lives. I hope one of the things my children learn from sports is a universal respect for everyone they meet on their path. I know this respect will serve them well in life. I also know that the more I feel this respect, the easier it will be for them to feel it as they mature.

THINK OF RAISING AN ACTIVE ADULT

Instead of daydreaming about your child being the next Tiger Woods, you might want to try daydreaming about your child being an active and sports-loving fifty-year-old. Picture him playing in a 45 & over tennis tournament or in a rec basketball league. Picture him hiking up a mountain with your future grandchildren. For every Tiger Woods, there are probably millions of young people who have been turned off by sports and fitness and are at risk for becoming couch potatoes in adulthood.

The best way to raise an active fifty-year-old is to create good memories around sports and fitness. You can start by trying to have fun yourself as their parent. Think of their tournaments as a mini-vacation and check the mirror from time to time to make sure you have a vacation-like expression on your face. For your children’s sake, and for your sake as well, you don’t want to look as if you’re in the middle of a war zone. That just puts too much pressure on your child to do something heroic to make you happy.

The message I try to give my children is that the athlete who loves sports the longest is the true winner. I joke about being able to beat them in basketball when I’m in my seventies and they’re in their forties. I happen to play basketball at the YMCA with a seventy-year-old man named Coleman Jewett. He always has something nice to say about the way I’ve played, even on those days when I can barely manage to hit the backboard.

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Dan Saferstein, Ph.D. is a Licensed Psychologist, consulting with individuals, families, coaches and teams in his Ann Arbor-based practice. He is a contributing writer to Soccer Coaching International. You can contact him at dansaferstein@earthlink.net.