Sports Parenting content provided by Dan Saferstein from his book "Win or Lose: A Guide to Sports Parenting", published by The Trusted Guide Press. Visit DanSaferstein.com for more information.

PLAY CATCH IN THE YARD

Chances are that your child’s love for sports began in a back yard or a driveway, and it can be good for their athletic soul (and yours) to get back to their roots. The beauty of sports is that it can bring people closer together, including parents and children, and yet sometimes the fast track of youth sports can have the opposite effect on families. More, bigger, and farther doesn’t always add up to better when it comes to travel sports.

A common question sports parents ask themselves after spending two nights in a hotel and driving home seven hours from a tournament: “Is this all really worth it?” But I have never asked myself this same question when I shoot baskets with my kids in the driveway. The moment is too reaffirming for me to even consider asking this question. I think what makes these moments so special is that I’m playing with my children again instead of just standing on the sidelines with my hands in my pockets and watching them.

One thing I’ve also noticed is that when you’re playing with your children, there isn’t the same tendency to feel critical of them. The criticism seems to come with distance, and it’s hard to feel distant from your child when you’re playing them one-on-one in the driveway and they’re shouting to the heavens how they’re finally going to beat you once and for all.

STOP FOR ICE CREAM

As a sports psychologist, I happen to be a big fan of ice cream. I think it helps kids still feel like kids in an age when sports childhoods end so quickly. My son’s soccer childhood ended when he joined an elite travel team in the Detroit area. At age ten, he became a soccer adolescent. During practices and games, he carries himself with the maturity and focus of a young man; with an ice cream cone in his hand, he seems to have permission to be the boy that he is.

At the risk of sounding corny, it is important to remember that elite athletes need love. They don’t just need personal trainers, coaches, camps, and sports psychologists. They need families where they can act their age, even have days where they act younger than their age. Young athletes often feel the pressure of always having to be in control, and it helps them to have a place where they can let go and be themselves.

A stop for ice cream can also help soothe a young athlete’s aching heart after a tough loss. Ice cream serves as a reminder that life can still be sweet in spite of the disappointments that feel momentarily bitter. Ice cream is about celebrating the game and not just its outcome.

Dan Saferstein, Ph.D. is a Licensed Psychologist, consulting with individuals, families, coaches and teams in his Ann Arbor-based practice. He is a contributing writer to Soccer Coaching International. You can contact him at dansaferstein@earthlink.net.