Sports Parenting content provided by Dan Saferstein from his book "Win or Lose: A Guide to Sports Parenting", published by The Trusted Guide Press. Visit DanSaferstein.com for more information.


KEEP A SENSE OF HUMOR

Your child will last longer as a competitive athlete, and you will last longer as a sports parent, if you can learn to maintain your sense of humor under fire. The sports families that seem to have the hardest times are the ones who head off to competitions as if they were heading into a war zone. The father sits at the steering wheel of his SUV like a tank commander; the mother sits like an army medic awaiting casualties; and junior sits in the back seat as if his life were on the line. It reminds me of a quote from the golfer, Chi Chi Rodriguez. When asked if he felt under a lot of pressure to make a final putt to win a championship, he replied, “Pressure isn’t about making putts to win golf tournaments. Pressure is about picking enough cotton to feed your family at the end of the day.”

Fortunately, most of us aren’t relying on our children’s athletic performances to put food on the table. The desperation is only in our minds, which invariably then seeps into the minds of our children. The good news is that our lightness can also seep into the minds of our children. They can learn from us to smile in the face of misfortune and look ahead to the next game. In youth sports, there is always another game, and the most successful athletes learn to let go of their disappointment and start preparing for it. They learn to laugh with their teammates, laugh with their families, laugh at the crazy and magical world of sports that can leave us feeling like we’re on top of the clouds one minute and neck-deep in quicksand the next.

TAKE A HIKE

I’m not talking about taking a hike out of your children’s athletic lives – even though there might come a time when that is temporarily a good idea – but rather taking a hike with them in the woods or the mountains. I go hiking every year with my kids in the Adirondacks, thanks to some generous friends letting us use their cottage. It’s great fun, challenging fun, beautiful fun. I think what I like most about hiking is its simplicity. You just put on a pair of boots, fill up a pack with whatever you need, and start walking. There is absolutely none of the tension that is so often a part of competitive sports for young athletes and their parents.

In other words, you tend not to worry about beating or losing to the mountain when you set foot on a trail. You tend not to care about what the mountain is ranked. My kids and their friends don’t even seem to care about who is the faster hiker. Why should they care? It’s not like there is some kind of Olympic Developmental Program for hikers or college scouts hiding in the woods. Just squirrels, rabbits, coyotes, foxes, and bears. My children love hearing the story of my bear encounter when I was hiking in Yosemite, even though the bear wandered off to the other end of the campsite and I didn’t need to do anything heroic. Hiking and camping lend themselves to storytelling, especially on mountain tops and around the campfire. I sometimes wish we could sit around the campfire at soccer tournaments, roasting marshmallows and telling stories.

Dan Saferstein, Ph.D. is a Licensed Psychologist, consulting with individuals, families, coaches and teams in his Ann Arbor-based practice. He is a contributing writer to Soccer Coaching International. You can contact him at dansaferstein@earthlink.net.